Dear Guys on Facebook,

Dear Guys on Facebook,

Dear Guys on Facebook,

 

Sup bruh? The Facebooks are lit huh? Lots of girls and interesting sights to see huh? But....we gotta talk. You've been getting a bit too wild on this thing and your behaviour is...... troubling. Let's talk

 

Hey man, your profile is your profile but why your profile haffi be a picture of you looking like a jackass? Whether it's you holding a bottle of Hennessy which your friends know isn't yours or even if it is yours, why? Or it's a picture of you in some ridiculous pose? Calm down there, brother. Try Instagram for your daily dose of diluted narcissism, I hear the filters work wonder on everyone.

Now we have to talk about messaging. Here is a quick list of how to message someone ESPECIALLY GIRLS. -clears throat-

 

STEP 1: DON'T.

 

END OF STEPS.

 

Glad we sorted that out. But if you MUST message a girl, kidnap a dictionary, read some romance novels, ask a sensible friend for some tips and then stick your dick back in your underpants before messaging. Sex should not be the first thing you take to her inbox and speaking of dicks: dick pics why? Nobody asked for this when a girl opens her phone to read her messages, your...."favourite buddy" was on YOUR mind and sending it without permission certainly won't change her mind.

 

Commenting on pictures... A woman is free to dress any way she feels like. If she wants half her ass hanging bare and her titties popping out of her turtleneck, her choice. If she wants her dress long like Reggae BoyZ losing streak, once again her choice. She doesn’t do it for you, you’re not that important fam. Please don't comment under a picture about the Buffness of the Bay, the orders you want to place at her KFC and how your tongue is as flexible as  It's corny, unimaginative and you Sir are thirsty to the point of dehydration.

 

Voice/Video calling. I feel like the Messenger app is the Devil's playground. If you send a message and she doesn't reply or just leaves you on seen. Explain to me why calling would change her mind? Trust me fam, if she wants you to call she would've told you to do it or you would even be having that conversation on WhatsApp, what's that? You don't have her number? Maybe you're the one not getting message...

 

Slide into the DMs if you wanna but at least try to be a decent human being, Getting kinda tired of you guys being exposed being pieces of crap because the first thing out of your mouth is that you're horny. Find a personality and some level of decency man.

 

Your Friend,

Patrick.

 

PS. Umm guys who are gay…. Straight people still exist. If I say no, it means no. But what a dramatic irony that the attitude that some gay men give to some of these straight men is the same attitude these straight men bring women yet they complain when the same pressure gets applied to them. Hilarious.

P.P.S.  Most Indian should be banned from Facebook overall cause good lord "send bobs," "show me vergina" messages are creepy and THEY ARE RELENTLESS.

 

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